Pete & Pete

i'm about to read an article in the new Filter on The Adventures of Pete & Pete.  i've been anticipating this event all day long, thus i have saved it as the ending of the day.  You will be hard pressed to find a more prescient and applicable mid-'90s Nickelodeon (i never knew how hard it was to spell Nickelodeon until just now...thankyou Google).  This was the golden era of the aforementioned cable network.  They built their name around quality shows about junior high and early high school kids in some crazy/comical variation of basic life.  Pete & Pete for the most part stands the test of time.  Go back and watch an episode, and you'll see that other than the music and pop-culture references the show accurately represents that awkward time that it is to be a "real" person in j-high or HS.  The music was impeccable as well...  Polaris provided many of the songs and served as a kind of house band for the show.  The Magnetic Fields and Apples in Stereo both had songs featured in episodes.  Plus there's the great episode where Pete (elder) goes to a dance and one of the girls from Luscious Jackson is making eyes at him.  So he does what any great quasi-dork would do...he makes eyes back to the detrimetn of his date.  Do you remember the girls from Luscious Jackson?...yeah, any guy would be in trouble if such events had occured to us.  There was that tension with the older Pete and his best friend slash love interest Ellen.  He always wanted to be in a romantic relationship with her, but he doesn't ever know if it is worth the potential cost to their friendship.  So Pete ignores the problem entirely...thus there is a subtle subtext to the whole show in this regard.  All of the craziness/zaniness of the show revolved around the tattooed younger Pete.  This could however be predicted as his best friend and next door neighbor's dad was Iggy Pop...you know Iggy Pop from the great late '60s-early '70s band "The Stooges."  Well anyways you should check this show out.  Few days go by where i don't wish i could live in an episode of this show...well i mean if you have to pick a show to exist in, don't pick a show where they can kill you.  Just beware of the "special" episode...sigh.

i was talking to my parents tonight, as i'm prone to do no Sun nights.  One point i made was that i find it weird that people choose to exist in their room with their door shut.  My family was that rare fam that always had the doors opened and chose to exist in our communal living room for most of our non-sleeping hours.  My roommates i suspect are from a diff experience.  Jason comes home immediately goes to the room and shuts his door.  This to me is representative of a general want for disconnectedness.  i personally do not like to disturb people with their doors shut as i presume that they wish for the privacy.  Therefore, i will not ask such people to go do things as i don't want to bang on their door.  This might have contributed to the fact that i have barely talked to my roommies since Wed.  This might also be b/c of my view of the home.  i really don't see anything special about the idea of a home.  To me being home means a place to eat, sleep, and clean up.  It's not about entertainment as other places can do this better (note the library at A&M has screening rooms which if unused can be used to screen rare foreign films...Eric Rohmer here i come).  The home for the most part, also, represents a poor study area as where else will you find more distractions than the place that contains a majority of your possesions.  Another issue that might contribute to my state of being might stem from the amount of time i go out to study.  One of my roommies isn't even in school, the other has had time to go out of town both weekends.  That's more time than i have had.  i almost need my studies.  i need that feeling of study.  i, also, need a feeling of community which cannot be had at a home.  i need to go out and talk to the people at the coffee shop.  i need to go hoop it up or play soccer with friends.  i do not need to sequester myself in a confined space.  i think there also exists some fear that they might want to kick me out as i am so different.  i don't know why i feel this way.  i try to make people decently comfortable.  But when you live with two mems of the same family you often feel as an odd one who is left out.  Oh well...maybe something cool will happen in the next few days, and i won't feel so doomed.

i think part of my mind is trying to tell me that it wants to eventually participate in a romantic relationship.  i mostly try to ignore this as i really don't have much time.  i went back and traced my free time over the past 4 days...  i really only took Sat night off.  i don't feel that such a thing is practical for me at this time as i'm in limbo with the whole med school thing.  And thus i'm prone to disregard everything.  The other frightening thing (which probably has sparked this concern in my mind) is that i feel i can sustain myself on only a few decently meaningful conversations a week.  i can even find meaning in random acts of talk such as what happened Fri night (see last post).  Maybe just a quick conver with a clerk...like my Klosterman conversation on Tues...is sustaining.  i remember talking to the clerk for maybe a couple of mins as i bought Klosterman's new book then having Coop ask what in the world i was talking about as if people don't normally talk to clerks in such ways.  The other thing i can do is take any meaningful conversation and meditate on it for months as i deconstruct it for proper meaning and perspective.  This way of breaking things down means that often i don't realize that i even was attracted to a woman until weeks after the conversation.  i fear my self-sufficient mind will never let anything romantic happen.  This disturbs me as i could use something decent to happen to me.  i'm just not good at focusing in on such things or even pursuing such in a normal way.  Perhaps it's just how i order the importance of things...school and knowledge have always held a more important place on the hierarchy as well they should.  It is your heart and mind that will impact society, and not your love life, unless say you are a poet or author...but how many people do those things successfully?  Then there's this idea that if something good happens eventually i will press the boundaries...  i have this thing i do where i memorize people's stories.  Then i make similar comments months or years later to see how the person responds.  The people tend to respond by retelling their story.  You'd be surprised how much people love telling stories about themselves (well obviously not if you are still reading multiple people's blogs).  Eventually such an event will happen...i'll become manipulative b/c i become bored with things.  i am self-destructive with many of my relationships...honesty tends to come from me at inopportune times.  i will tell people when they are being moronic.  If a person says that something is "gay" or "retarded," i will tell them to be more concerned with their use of symbolic language (note that earlier today i argued that language is meaningless b/c literally can also mean figuratively...and so on...there is no way that the symbols of words can accurately describe any experience).  This and i can barely stand myself at times.  Books and music are a great way to escape self...especially when you are hard on yourself.  i don't really think i deserve too much in life, but i fear that this might be the Protestant guilt that has so determined much of my life.  Well anyways...i'm i think if i had such a relationship the best i could hope for would be that we would be mutually-self-destructive...then it would be interesting for both of us to analyze the unraveling and revealing of our true selves.

Pavement Mistaken For Nirvana

Why the long break from the blog?  Maybe, i was a bit fed up with the whole blogging culture...it seems to be about either pandering to some select base or brief statements of self sans any form of cognizance/enlightenment.  i noted that a few of my friends seem to be moving away from the blog altogether.  i'm not so ready to give up on the medium.

My Philosophy prof stated that amongst the 60 odd people in class maybe 5-6 were truly happy people.  This struck some wrong.  They started saying that happiness is a mindset.  i agreed with my prof's view as it seems to encase the larger view.  Is a tricked happiness really a happiness?  And can one be happy to one's own detriment?  Further still, if all others see one's circumstances as sadness, yet the person seems happy, is that happiness even a truth?  Our prof suggested that we go home and as we lay in bed at the end of the day ask ourselves if we are truly happy.  Personally i don't think it is all that important to be happy, as i see the state of happiness to be contingent on so much environmental stimuli.  Thus if we allow each to effect us then what control over our emotions do we truly have?  So we must recognize the application of these stimuli in our lives and treat them as something that will not affect too much positively or negatively.  Thus happiness is not necessarily so desirable.  What may be more desirable are those few times a year when we experience a sense of true joy that bubbles up from within.  We must hold onto those moments as those times are transcendent and not dependent on externals.

i was listening to an interview with Michel Gondry.  He's the director of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (title from an Alexander Pope epic poem) and the forth coming The Science of Sleep.  His visual style is stunning and worth a see.  He was speaking about his new film, and he said some things in his cool French accent that sounded amazing...  He stated that for the most part love is unattractive.  Part of this comes from that one person usually loves more truly than the other.  From case studies i will say that this is true of almost every relationship ever.  Thus the one who will love too much from time to time will seem unattractive in their constant concern.  This is also true of viewing a relationship from the outside as our more objective perspective often times proves the awkwardness and unrequitedness that often entails most romantic relationships. 

Going back to happiness...i personally realized that there are many external stimuli that i have not acted on.  Thus when i think of overall happiness...can i truly have this if i have not accomplished or acted on the proper impetuses.  Thus why i cannot give much weight at all to my own happiness or lack thereof.

i picked up Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade Of Curious People And Dangerous Ideas and Jonathan Franzen's The Discomfort Zone this week at Barnes...  No doubt they will be solid reads...if i have time to read them between my readings for Molec Gen and Philo. 

i went to Aggie Nights to chill with the iHousians.  We met and saw X-Men 3...sigh.  Quite possibly the worst movie of this past year.  Yes, i know i'm a comic dork.  Thus the movie is made worse by the tons of mistakes it made.  First of all Halle Berry and Hugh Jackman need first-rate directors to even come close to a decent job.  They cannot carry a movie...let alone one by the fifth rate director that is Brett Ratner.  i enjoyed seeing the Beast and Shadowcat...  i kind of hoped with Kelsey Grammer that it might turn into a good episode of Frasier...nope.  The dialogue was terse at best...i had to double check to see if George Lucas had a hand in writing it.  Fans of the comics don't see it...too many flaws...first of all Juggernaut is not a mutant...thus a mutant that suppresses mutant powers would have no effect on him.  Iceman and Angel are original X-Men and not some random young side characters.  And killing Xavier, Cyclops, and Jean Grey...i mean why not leave the worst developed characters...Storm and Wolvie to run things...oh wait.  The movie is that awful!!!  Even the effects at times reminded me of the old SNES Starfox game...which no doubt would have been a better appropriation of that hour and a half. 

The post-chill was well worth it, though.  We hung out had free pizza and talked.  i really enjoy the company of my international friends.  Their perspective and personalities are invaluable.  iHouse soccer will be great this Sun no doubt at Asalya and pals will be there.  Later on some random freshman named Matt stumbled over asking if we were part of Excel.  Needless to say we were not.  The guy, however, impressed me as he stayed and talked and met Fernando and Asalya.  Academically he appeared to be a more focused form of myself at his age.  He is an engineering student thinking of switching over to biology and going to med school.  So i gave him all this advice about how to deal with issues his freshman year and what to do for med school along with how to explore changing your major.  He called me some kind of wise sage.  i wish i could disagree...but i kind of see myself as such these days.  If you seek me out youngstas...you will be given proper advice.  So if nothing else i can say my life was worth living tonight if nothing else for a few convers and the advice/help i gave to another being.

Brett Bishop left a message on my machine.  i haven't seen him in over a year and a half.  We haven't even communicated.  He left his number saying he went to a Counting Crows concert and though of how we used to jam to that band.  i hope they played It's Raining in Baltimore.  That would have made it a perfect show...i'm not much on their newer stuff.  Well, i'll call him tomorrs for the 411.  It's always good to reconnect with old friends.

The title refers to a moment in the book Indecision by Benjamin Kunkel.  The main character (Dwight Wilmerding) is playing an LP of Pavement which his girlfriend (Vaneetha) mistakes for Nirvana.  How can this be?  What does this mean?  They are totally diff.  It's like mistakening avant garde for hard bop.  It also could literally mean that we pay way too much attention to our details of life that we miss the larger picture and the nirvana that might exist.  Take it in your own way...

Currently Listening Thank God for Mental Illness By The Brian Jonestown Massacre see related

Friends Project Mix Album (Playlist) 2

Thought i'd post this here as some will not make it over to the JMS.

1. We all have some music we throw on to chill ourselves after a test.  What is your favorite post-test song?
2. We often hear a song and know that it would be perfect to place in a film or build a film around.  What song currently would delight you if you heard it in a film?
3. Disappointing days and times no doubt plague our youth at times.  What song do you use to soundtrack your melancholy?
4. I know I often hit the coffee too much.  What song best suits you in a caffeine induced hyper-daze?
5. It’s like a secret weapon for your ears.  What song do you throw on a mix-tape (playlist for the current generation) to produce wonder and enchantment for the lucky listener?
6. As associative beings we often hear something that reminds us of a time of our youth.  What song is most representative of some important memory or era of your youth?
7. Hitting the road with quality music is a definite must these days.  What song best fits your road-tripping ways?
8. Sometimes we hear a song that just seems representative of who we are as a person.  Then inevitably we want all our friends to hear it and reach the same conclusion.  What song would you say is a prerequisite for knowing your true self?
9. Every once in a while I hear a song that would be perfect if I had a lover.  What song would you play for your romantic interest?
10. Let’s not lie.  We all have fits of arrogance from time to time.  What song do you play when you are feeling cocky?
11. There comes a time when we just want to have an ultimate slacker chill.  What song best sets the mood for kickin’ it all cool?
12. We all view the modern/current era differently.  What song do you feel best sums up the current state of our time?
13. I know at times I’m overly pretentious for the sake of preserving some sense of diversity from the world.  What song do you play to show off your pretentious ways?
14. Some songs are found through luck, research, or hard work.  What song have you recently discovered that came through such means?
15. Anger and revenge are emotions we often try to hide or dismiss.  We often actually calm our emotional selves through music.  What song do you play to defuse your anger?

Add any other songs you want to if you have room left on the disc.

Feel free to expound on how your songs fit the questions when you post your playlist.

Ags are back in town, sigh...

NOTE:  The info for the FRIENDS PROJECT MIX-ALBUM is over at my collective site Jefferson Mastodon Society.

School is back in session here in Aggieland.  i happy for the academics, but i cannot say i'm happy about the amounts of people everywhere.  i really do love summer school when a majority of people are dedicated and the social aspects of the place are reduced.  Right now everyone is dedicated to discovering a vibrant social life or new activities.  i want to study and hang with a few friendsies on occasion. 

There's nothing more sobering in this modern world than viewing group mentality.  You can have high hopes for the world and thought, but all of that can be reduced to deep cynicism with one group event.  The event might be going to a movie or a sporting event.  Then you will see that people rather than trying to evoke the most from the group, instead dumb themselves down for the sake of shared laughs or interests.

i finished Allegra Goodman's "Intuition."  It is one of the better reads in which i've partaken.  This is probably b/c it's fiction based around the science in an independent lab next to Harvard.  Plus there's the whole insight into funding from the NIH and what really is scientific fraud.  The characters are written solidly with several minor characters being well developed enough that you can envision their perspective.  If you have time to read a new book, pick this one up.  Allegra Goodman is one of America's great writers.

i read a good line from my current read that has engrossed my time for the past few days.  It goes as follows: "Why do we always think our pain will be less if we can make others suffer more."  i thought it a great line in keeping with the realism of perspective that i so ascribe to. 

i find my self-introspection is currently focused on various motivations for why i do things.  This is where you realize you never fully escape self.  Everything i do has some kind of reflection upon my own needs and wants.  Thus i find keeping myself at a distance and losing myself in other's works such as music, books, and academia to keep myself sane.

Jessica and Taylor moved in last night.  i don't know if i personally would ever choose to move in the day before class starts b/c i pressure myself too much.  i find i function better if i can focus on doing 2-3 things really well in a day than trying to multi-task my life away.  i don't even know if they went to class today...  But i'm weird in that i like to attend everything.

i went to the Aggie women's soccer game on Sunday afternoon (thus the previous group think diatribe).  We thoroughly destroyed UTSA by a score of 7-0.  They only had 2 shots to our 40.  It was an amazing feat of dominance and fun to watch from a biased perspective.  The only probs is that no one i knew wanted to go.  i mean c'mon, stupid Sunday-lazy punks.  Well the downside is that i got burned quite a bit between the game and playing soccer later that night.  So i'm kind of recovering today. 

Nathan and i decided that if i am not accepted into med school then we should both go get our Masters at Colorado University in Boulder.  i don't know if this will ever happen, but i am going to look into it.  My grades are solid now, and i'm emboldened by my love for all things biological.  i've got an informational for i-House tonight followed hopefully by a meal at Coco Loco.  Then maybe deciding whether Nate and i can use Jake's STAT book for our statistics class, b/c i really want to return the expensive copy i purchased earlier today. Since when should my STAT book be more expensive than my Cell Biology or Molecular Genetics books.

Currently Reading Hot Lights, Cold Steel: Life, Death and Sleepless Nights in a Surgeon's First Years By Michael J. Collins see related